I don't know who is worse off, you or I. Those who understand Russian society better than the West, or those who understand the West better than Russia. If I am in a camp, I put myself in the latter.

So for me the emotions are at my own people. I was never given a chance to vote for a politician (with even a snowball's chance of getting elected) who would have trimmed our "defense" budget. I've been forced to pay my share towards that trillion dollar death machine.

And now, for the first time, when I would like to see my tax dollars put to work, we do the minimum. It's a f'ing disgrace (excuse the emotion) that we let Ukrainians die for our "freedom". And we're going to pay too, eventually.

I believe at the first National Military day in Russia, whatever it's called, Putin was expecting a hellfire missile to blow him up every second. He seemed to be scanning the skies. I felt I could read his mind, "it's what I would do." But they're not me. They're weak. They're morally bankrupt.

And f'ing yes, f' me. He's right.