Max Can't Help It!
3 min readMay 18, 2024

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I remember when there was criticism that Bill Clinton played the sax in public. High officials or Statesmen simply didn't do that sort of thing. Now they all want to relatable to the "folk".

You have the most corrupt President in recent memory and his little pretty boy going around trying to make things look shiny for MSNBC. Then you have the black General who is also for show and is no Colin Powell. Then Kirby, to relate to the hard-hat noisy football crowd. And of course Sullivan...jack of all trades empty suit.

Yeah, that ain't PC. Those old jokes made me laugh. For the American flavor, one of my favorites. Maklemore's Amerikan:

How y'all doing there, folks?

My name is Aberdeen Washington

And I'm a proud American

And a terrorist fighter

That's right

Hey get me another beer bitch

Now when the day Bin Laden comes to town

I'm a drop a deuce wipe it up with his towel

Mow my lawn, sit on the couch, I'm a watch some football

I pray to the lord the Cowboys win

And beat the hell out of those damn Redskins

Call up the boys

Get drunk as shit

Goddamn right I'm an American

That's right

I'm American

Got a picture of Regan above my fire

Next to the deer I shot with my rifle

N.R.A.? Hell yeah, I support 'em

No pro choice

No abortion

Mexicans? Send em back over the boarder

Ride on home to Samoa

Wherever they come from

Taking our jobs

Eating out hamburgers

Taking our jobs

They're taking our jobs

I see 'em in the fields

I'm taking their heads off

I hate my job

And I hate my boss

But I love my country

And I pray to God that the cowboys win

Fuch yeah romo!

That the Cowboys win

That's right, that's right, that's right, come on

Everybody just clap your hands

If you love our country

If you love our land

That's right

And if you're not clapping your hands

You're a terrorist

And you eat sand sandwiches

The day Bin Laden comes to town

I'm a drop a deuce wipe my poop with his towel

Mow my lawn, sit on the couch, and I'm a watch some football

And I pray to the lord the Cowboys win

And beat the hell out of those damn Redskins

Call up the boys, get drunk as shit

Goddamn right, I'm American

I'm Ameri-fuckin'-can

John McCain and Sarah Palin

I know you lost out there

And it was a tough one

But you're still two mavericks in my book

Don't worry about it

Now listen Palin

I heard you like beer

Me too

And I don't have a six pack

But I got a beer bong in my pants

What do you say we go get shitfaced in a helicopter and kill a moose

America

The chosen

Guns

Explosions

McDonalds

Bowling

You don't like it

We exploit ya

Pop a pill

Get a boner!

Hell Yeah Tony Romo

Man that guy's so damn cute I want to sack his boner and ride him brokeback all the way to Wyoming

No homo syke

Hey I said no homo

Hey fuck terrorists

I don't mean like f-, I don't want to fuck a terrorist

Guys I'm kidding!

I like Romo, I don't like Bromo

I said fuck terrorists not I want to fuck a terrorist

You wouldn't

If you caught Bin Laden you wouldn't give him one in the butt?

For America?

If ya said "no homo" right after ya did it?

It doesn't count if it's terrorists

Hey little Aberdeen, come in here

Yeah

Hey come sing the national family anthem, come on

USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, Hey, Hey

USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, Hey, Hey

That's right, I'm an American citizen

Aberdeen Washington, this is my country

And just because Barack Obama won the presidential election

Does not mean that half the country doesn't feel the same way I do

And I came to America yeah

And I live in America c'mon

And I live in America

I do too, dad

Let me get 'em

And I live in America

And I live in Ameri...

Shut up, little Aberdeen shut the fuck up

My bad

Let me tell 'em

That's right

I'm American

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Max Can't Help It!
Max Can't Help It!

Written by Max Can't Help It!

Trying to connect what hasn't been connected.

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