Jonah is one of my favorite stories. I never thought about the suicide angle, but it makes sense. The story also connects to Job. How are we to do good works when God never shows approval and many often believe we're not good, for whatever reason.

You are in the same position, it seems to me. You want approval from the Church you began with but you don't get it even though you are even closer to God but no one else sees it.

Is it better to be surrounded by others, but separated from God by church "leaders" or close to God but alone among people? The first can become the 2nd. The second can never become the first.