This, to me, is you in one sentence. (BTW, Colin Wilson was a beacon to me when I was younger.) I am the other way. When I am cuddled up with my Penguin I feel no stress and immense amounts of happiness. Been that way for 35 years. What this tells me--because I don't doubt what you say--is that there is no absolute in happiness. It's all relative to our individual, utterly inexplicable, fears and desires which we only see as shadows on a wall.